Dead but Alive

The only fear I'll get when you're talking about death is...

The fact of leaving my love ones. I feared they wouldn't remember me all the time like it used to be, just because I'm not by their sides. I feared the wouldn't feel lost at all, just because I didn't put a total impact to people's lives. And what I feared the most is, once I was buried, no one will ever look back at me. I don't want to be dead dead. I want to die being alive. Like dead but alive. Alive by the memories I've created. Alive by the smiles I've once flashed. Alive by the words I spoke.

But I'll be the happiest corpse in the ground if people remember me by the songs I used to sing, and they hate me for that because I'd ruined the song. And if people see me in every of my favorite spot because they miss me so much they've hallucinate. I want to be loved even if I'm not there to give anything back in return. I want to feel appreciated even when I'm dead. I hope I die alone. I hope the memories I've created, the love I've evolved, the tears I've wiped, the happiness I've felt, wouldn't die with me. They stay in the world until apocalypse come, keep reminding the people I love the I once had lived. Amin.

day 96#